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| Hello Xanga!
Wow... it's been quite a while since I've written anything here. It actually took me a good 10 minutes of actual searching to find the blog button so that I can actually post something here! I was hoping to start writing again, and I totally forgot that I had a Xanga to begin with. I'm glad I found it again because a lot of things have happened to me since my last post, and there are a lot of things that I need to get off my chest.
Let's start with the basics...
I've joined a sorority. I know it may come to a shock to many, but if you read my previous posts, you'll see that the old me was very "woe is me" and very depressed. I think this sorority has done me a lot of good. For example, the first three years of my college life, I had failed to make a single friend. Through this sorority, I have made a number of very close girl friends whom I could go to if I ever needed anything whatsoever. There is a lot of stigma that is attached to the word "sorority" but something that my sisters and I always tell others: From the outside looking in, you can never understand. And these words are so true. This may not apply to every single sorority, but I know for Kappa Phi Lambda Sorority, Inc. there is nothing more true.
I'm still with the same guy that I used to write about. We have gone through a lot of tough times, but since, we've also had some very good moments too. And now, we've come back full circle back to the bottom of the pit. I don't know what it is, but we can never be truly happy all the time. I mean, real couples aren't always happy 24/7, but when you're in a relationship, you should feel good about yourself and you should want to spend time with your partner. Right now, he just makes me feel as though I don't even exist; as if I'm just a ghost for whom he can call upon for a chore or other task that no other would want to do. Sigh.... it's an evil cycle really. If there was an on and off button, to turn my love for him off, I swear, I would turn it off. I hate feeling so helpless and heartbroken every time he walks out the door. I hate the feeling of suspicion and insecurity. I've been listening to Ashanti's "Foolish" and that totally describes how I feel about this guy. No matter how many mistakes he makes, and how insignificant he can make me feel, I always allow him back in to my heart whenever he comes wants. I really do hate it; but it's like Ashanti says:
See my days are cold without you
But I'm hurting while I'm with you
And though my heart can't take no more
I keep on running back to you
Thanks Ashanti, you put my emotions into words I couldn't express on my own.
I'm 23 now. I feel like such a grandma. I don't want to go out. The only time I do is if my very very good friends request it of me. I can't hold my liquor to save my life. I feel like passing out and vomiting after about the 3rd shot. Yes, I max out at 3. But I prefer to be the DD anyways, because it makes me feel important to know that the lives of others are in my hands. I may be 23, but I certainly don't feel it most of the time. I know I just said I'm a grandma, and that I just contradicted myself, but I still feel like I'm 18 at the same. I certainly don't feel 23. My closest friends aren't even 21 yet. They make me feel young. I love those girls (shout-outs to Miki, Jen, and Carrie!).
It's 11pm, and I need to start hitting the books. Have I told you yet, I'm in Pharmacy now. I may have been still a bio major back in my last entry, but that's another update for you.
I'll check back in soon, I promise Xanga. Thanks for reading.
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| I just got off the phone with someone that I really hold close to my heart... and this is how the majority of the conversation went: *crickets*crickets*
Silence!
Why???
Why is it that we can NEVER find anything to talk about. I can't even discuss the small happenings that occur in my daily life because he finds them so unimportant the he'll simply tell me to just "shut up." That really discourages a conversation.
As I reflect upon it, this is wat I'm really wondering about: In past relationships, I could just yap and yap and yap and yap all day long, without ever running out of things to say. But with this one, it's like, I have to make mental notes to myself to remember things to tell him later.
Sheeeeesh.... Communication can't be this hard to obtain can it? | | |
| Hmmm... so I really don't remember the last time I made an entry here at Xanga. Come to think of it, I don't remember the last time I even dropped by to say hi to all my Xanga friends (which I have only three by the way). All I know thus far is that my life has changed so dramatically (for both the good and the bad) and it would take only an in-depth novel for me to be able to tell my story to all.
And so it begins.... | | |
| You're an ISFJ
ISFJ
Ok. You are sympathetic, loyal, considerate, and conscientious. You will go to any amount of trouble, when it makes sense to you, to help those in need. You are responsible and enjoy being needed. You are down-to-earth and realistic and like others who are quiet and unassuming. You absorb and enjoy using a large number of facts.
You like situations where the rules are well defined and where traditions are to be upheld. You focus on providing practical help and services for others and for the organizations you serve. You have a strong work ethic.
You can be painstakingly accurate and systematic in handling tasks...you're conservative with traditional values...quiet and modest...tactful and supportive of friends and family...
You are often self-effacing in getting the job done, and are willing to make necessary sacrifices, especially for your family. You are at your best quietly providing assistance and making sure things are in order.
You have a few close friends, don't like disharmony, and try to keep cooperation at all costs...you'll stay close friends with that tight circle for a LONG time...worry a lot...
You need to have things organized in a way you think works.. you cannot work when things are out of order...when things are in disarray, you have to reorganize 'em immediately....you get involved with leisure ONLY after all the work is done...
You have a tendency to put off relaxing because there's too much work to be done...you enjoy time with your family...you fall in love hard when you fall. You place a high value on marriage and family...you seek out a partner and feel unfulfilled without one. you most likely are a good student because you diligently follow through in your work to please your teachers.....you learn best by DOING...
You tend not to be the center of attention...often appear serious...others like trying to get a laugh or a smile out of you...you get angry or bitter when scorned...but you keep it inside...
Possible blindspots: because you are SOOOO in the present, you have a hard time seeing possibilities or consequences of your actions...can become mired in the daily grind...don't forget to express your bottled-up feelings...you can be taken advantage of....could be pessimistic about the future because it's unknown and you rely on past experiences.....you want to plan too much.
ISFJ: "I Serve Family Joyfully | | |
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